As we talk with parents navigating the fall semester with their college student, one of the most frequent coaching topics is communication. College brings new challenges, increased independence, and more responsibilities. This can lead to some friction between students and parents. You might feel like they aren’t communicating as much as you’d like, or conversely, they might lean on you more than they should for help.
Here are a few strategies to encourage healthy and productive communication with your college student:
Get Your Student to Respond to Texts and Calls
One of the most common frustrations for parents is getting a timely response from their college student. Here are a few tips that can help:
Be mindful of their schedule: Understand that your student is likely juggling classes, social activities, and studying. Instead of expecting an immediate reply, try sending texts at times you know they might be free, such as evenings or weekends.
Send clear and concise messages: If you want a response, make sure your text isn’t overwhelming. A quick “How did your chemistry test go?” is more likely to get a reply than a long message about various updates.
Set communication expectations: Have an open conversation at the beginning of the school year about how often you’d like to check-in. Ask what feels manageable for them and try to meet in the middle. This might be a weekly call or daily check-ins via text.
Keep Conversations Brief and Focused
College students are navigating a world full of new experiences and responsibilities. While it’s natural to want to catch up on every detail of their life, long conversations can feel overwhelming. To keep communication flowing:
Keep it focused: Stick to a few key points when you call or text. Asking about their latest project or weekend plans can keep the conversation light and engaging.
Be understanding of their time: If your student seems rushed, don’t take it personally. College life moves quickly, so shorter, more frequent chats might be better than one lengthy phone call.
Avoid Fixing or Rescuing
It can be tempting to jump in and offer advice (or solutions) when your student is sharing a problem, but college is a time for them to develop problem-solving skills and autonomy. Try these strategies:
Listen first: When your student shares a challenge, practice listening without jumping to fix it. Validate their feelings by saying things like, “That sounds tough. How are you thinking about handling it?”
Ask, don’t tell: Instead of immediately offering solutions, ask if they’d like your input. Try, “Would you like my thoughts on this?” This allows them to feel empowered rather than dependent on your advice. If they say “No,” then just listen.
Encourage them to use campus resources: Many colleges offer support services like tutoring, counseling, and academic advising. Rather than solving their problems for them, remind them of these valuable resources.
Respect Their Privacy and Boundaries
Your child is now an emerging adult, and part of that growth involves asserting their independence. To maintain a healthy relationship:
Don’t press for details: Your student may not share every aspect of their life with you, and that’s okay. Respect their privacy and avoid asking too many questions about their social life or personal decisions.
Give them space: If they don’t respond to a text or call right away, resist the urge to send follow-up messages immediately. Give them the time and space to respond when they’re ready.
Support their boundaries: If your student indicates that they don’t want to talk about a certain topic or need space to handle something on their own, respect that. Healthy communication is about mutual respect, and sometimes that means stepping back.
As your college student grows into adulthood, your role as a parent shifts. Encouraging productive communication, respecting their independence, and offering support (without overstepping) can foster a stronger, healthier relationship during this exciting time. Stay patient, stay present, and trust that the foundation you’ve built with them over the years will guide your relationship as it continues to evolve.
By following these tips, you can stay connected with your college student while giving them the space they need to thrive.
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