Home for the Summer

For many parents, having a child home for the summer can create a surprising amount of anxiety. After months of school providing structure, routine, and built in responsibilities, summer can suddenly feel like a blank calendar that parents believe they have to fill. Questions start piling up. What are they going to do all day? Should I make them get a job? How much screen time is too much? Am I responsible for keeping them entertained? Meanwhile, many young adults and teenagers have a very different vision for the summer. They're perfectly content sleeping in, watching TV, playing video games, scrolling on their phones, or spending time with friends. While there is certainly nothing wrong with relaxing and enjoying a break, an entire summer built around comfort and entertainment doesn't do much to prepare them for adulthood.

One of the greatest gifts parents can give their child is the opportunity to practice taking responsibility for their own time. Summer is an ideal season for this because it offers more freedom and flexibility than almost any other time of the year. Rather than becoming the cruise director of the household, parents can begin shifting some of that responsibility back to their child. That might mean expecting them to work a part time job, volunteer, take a class, contribute more around the house, exercise regularly, or pursue a personal goal they've been talking about. The specific expectations matter less than the message behind them: You're getting older, and with increased freedom comes increased responsibility.

Rather than becoming the cruise director of the household, parents can begin shifting some of that responsibility back to their child.

Setting expectations also changes the parent child relationship in an important way. Instead of remaining in the role of constantly reminding, rescuing, or entertaining, parents begin treating their child as a young adult who is capable of managing responsibilities. Expectations communicate confidence. They say, I believe you're capable of more. This shift helps move the relationship away from one based primarily on dependence and toward one built on accountability, trust, and growing independence. These are exactly the kinds of experiences young adults need before they eventually leave home full time.

One of the hardest lessons for parents is recognizing that their child's happiness is not their responsibility.

Will your child be thrilled about these expectations? Maybe not. In fact, they may complain, push back, or tell you that their friends don't have the same rules. That's okay. One of the hardest lessons for parents is recognizing that their child's happiness is not their responsibility. Your role is not to eliminate every frustration or make sure they enjoy every decision you make. Your role is to help prepare them for life. Having expectations doesn't mean the summer can't be fun. There should absolutely be time for vacations, lazy afternoons, friends, and downtime. It simply means that fun is balanced with responsibility. That balance helps young adults develop habits, confidence, and life skills that will serve them long after summer comes to an end.

Tools for parents to make sure their child has a productive summer:

Make expectations prior to summer

• Have the conversation before school gets out, not after problems begin.

• Explain why you're creating expectations, not just what they are.

• Invite your child into the conversation and ask for their ideas and goals for the summer.

• Be clear that increased freedom comes with increased responsibility.

• It will still be fun, but there will be expectations.

  
  

Have clear expectations

• Do they need to find a job?

• If they're working, how many hours per week are expected?

• What chores will be expected around the house?

• What condition should their room be kept in?

• When can they have friends over?

• When can they leave the house?

• What is their curfew?

• Are there expectations around screen time or video games?

• How much should they contribute to family responsibilities?

• Are they expected to exercise or stay physically active?

• Should they volunteer or participate in a meaningful activity?

• Are they responsible for their own transportation or making plans?

• What financial expectations do they have? (Gas, entertainment, savings, etc.)

  
  

What is already on the summer calendar?

• Are any family trips already planned?

• What weekends already have commitments?

• Is anyone coming to visit over the summer?

• Are there times that may be busier for the parents?

• Summer camps?

• Doctor's appointments, sports, or other recurring commitments?

• College visits or preparation for the upcoming school year?

• Family events, weddings, or reunions?

  
  

Encourage ownership of their summer

• Ask, "What do you want to accomplish this summer?"

• Have them create a few personal goals.

• Encourage them to learn a new skill or hobby.

• Challenge them to read a certain number of books.

• Help them identify ways to earn and manage money.

• Have them plan activities with friends instead of waiting for parents to entertain them.

  
  

Decide where you'll be flexible

• Which expectations are non-negotiable?

• Where can they earn additional freedom by demonstrating responsibility?

• How will you handle mistakes or missed expectations?

• What natural consequences will you allow instead of rescuing?

  
  

Hold regular check-ins

• Have a brief weekly conversation about how things are going.

• Celebrate successes, not just address problems.

• Adjust expectations if needed without abandoning them.

• Focus on coaching rather than constant reminding

I hope this article doesn't dampen your excitement for summer. In fact, I hope it does just the opposite. My goal isn't to create more work for you as a parent, but to help you enter the summer with a plan and a greater sense of confidence. When expectations are communicated clearly ahead of time, everyone knows what the summer is meant to look like. There are fewer surprises, fewer unnecessary conflicts, and more opportunities for your child to experience meaningful growth.

Summer doesn't have to be a choice between fun and responsibility. It can, and should, include both. There should absolutely be room for sleeping in occasionally, vacations, late nights with friends, family barbecues, and relaxing by the pool. Those are some of the moments that make summer memorable. But woven into those experiences should also be opportunities for your child to practice becoming the young adult they're growing into.

As parents, one of our most important jobs is to gradually shift responsibility from our shoulders to theirs. Each summer is another opportunity to take a small step in that direction. By setting thoughtful expectations and allowing your child to take greater ownership of their time, you're helping them build confidence, independence, and the life skills they'll need long after summer ends. And that's a summer worth investing in.