Stop Asking Closed Ended Questions!

Did you have a good day?

Did you go to class?

Have you made some friends?

These are all reasonable questions. In fact, they often come from a place of genuine care and concern. But despite the best of intentions, these types of questions tend to lead to dead-end conversations that are typically answered with a simple "yes" or "no." As a result, they can leave parents feeling more disconnected than connected to their child.

When I’m working with parents, one of the first shifts I encourage is this: Move from closed-ended questions to open-ended, curious questions. This isn’t just a communication trick—it’s a mindset change that can dramatically improve the quality of your relationship with your child.

Why Open-Ended Questions Matter

Open-ended questions allow for the child to elaborate more. They create space for thoughts, feelings, and stories to unfold. When a child hears, “What was the best part of your day?” rather than “Did you have a good day?”, they’re more likely to pause, reflect, and share something meaningful. It's an opening, not a check-in box.

Here are a few simple swaps that make a big difference:

• Instead of: “Did you have a good day?”

  Try: “What was the best part of your day?”

  
  

• Instead of: “Did you take your medication?”

  Try: “How has medication management been going for you?”

  
  

• Instead of: “Have you made any friends?”

  Try: “What has it been like navigating the social scene?”

  
  

These alternative questions give your child room to share more about their world, and, maybe more importantly, signal that you're truly interested in their experience, not just a yes-or-no update.

The Power of Staying Curious

Even when parents start using open-ended language, there’s often a deeper challenge beneath the surface: staying curious without attaching to a specific outcome.

Let me explain.

When a parent asks, “Have you made any friends?”, there’s often an underlying hope: I want to hear that you have made friends. That desire is totally normal, but it can unintentionally pressure the child to give a “positive” answer or shut down if their experience doesn’t match the expected response.

On the other hand, a curious question like “What’s it been like trying to connect with new people?” gives your child space to be honest, even if the answer is hard. They might say, “It’s been tougher than I thought. It can be discouraging at times.” That’s not a tidy answer, but it’s a real one and it opens the door to a deeper conversation.

When parents stay curious, they communicate trust. They say, “I’m here for the whole story, not just the highlight reel.”

Shifting away from closed-ended questions isn't about using the “right” words, it’s about building stronger connections through openness and curiosity. When you focus on creating space instead of seeking specific answers, your child feels seen, heard, and valued.